Happy Halloween

So Halloween has finally made itself known all across the United States once more. Children are going around, house to house, getting as much candy as they possibly can. I, for the last time, was one of those children. I, however, am unable to eat the candy and gave it all to Eli.

Cassidy, Standish, and I were walking around in SilverLeaf this year. There were all sorts of different houses. There was one with a man sitting on the porch in a 'Headless Horseman' costume and holding a pumpkin in his hand. He scared Standish quite a bit. One house was completely 'haunted' and had a man dressed up as a wolf lurking in the bushes. There were fog machines, cobwebs, eerie music, skeletons, strobe lights, ghosts, witches, and everything else you could possibly think of.

Earlier in my day, I was awaken by a frightening nightmare with al sorts of scary, gory, things. I immediatley went and checked all of my emails and online profiles. Then, I made Cassidy and my lunch. Before going to her elementary school for lunch, I dropped by the infamous Eastside, my old high school, for Wade Hampton Week. Today was Senior Servant day and all of the seniors were dressed up as hilarious characters. I saw one of my friends, Bennett, and was so glad to see him. He was actually the reason I wanted to go. He just makes me feel happy with all of his ideas and everything that he talks about. Perfect smile, perfect personality, almost creepy. But he's a great friend of mine.

I went to Cassidy's school for lunch. We had a great time talking about what we were going to be for Halloween and where we might go. It's great to see all of these other parents come in with McDonald's Happy Meals for their children. While we were sitting there today, another woman was there to eat lunch with her daughter. I was disgusted by the woman's behavior towards the precious girl. The mother was texting or snapping at the child the entire time. The girl kept trying to tell her mom about her day or tell her a little story or something and the mom would tell her to stop bothering her and stuff like that. I think that if you make the time to come and be with your child at lunch then you should actually SPEND the time with them.

After lunch, I went to Travelers Rest to get the PO Box mail. I wasn't feeling very good during the drive up there or back. I was afraid I was going to be sick, so I hurried up the most that I could without getting pulled over.

When I got home, I talked to Cody, through myspace messages which was fun. I also did my computer assignment which was due by midnight. I submitted it and everything which made me happy. Around 3:45 I went and picked up the girls and we got started on carving their pumpkins. Standish did a little Tamigotchi looking face, I had done the Joker from 'The Dark Knight' a few days earlier, and Cassidy did a vampire with a little pumpkin in its mouth. I had seen the idea on a pumpkin carving contest show. They're all adorable!

For our costumes, I was, of course, Super Kenzi. Cassidy was a witch. Standish was a wizard. Mom was... mom.

Michael didn't go with us this year. Instead he went to the Eastside vs. Wade Hampton football game. EHS didn't win the football game, but they won the charity contest by over $100,000! That's the best we've done in 11 years.

Lunch with Cody

Today was a good day. I woke up at 9:30, which is really late for me, and then watched the rest of 'The Brave One'(in my reviews). It was a great movie. Then I didn't really do anything except go on my computer, make Eli a sign, and get dressed. I left close to 11:30 and stopped by Eli's Dad's house and hung the sign up in his room. I really hope that he likes it.

I got to school and went to Math class. That was boring like always. I left a few minutes early to watch a Psychology video. When I was done watching the video, I went to my class. I love that class. It's so interesting and I enjoy Christene, the person I sit next to.

Today was an extra special day because one of my Psychology classmates, Cody, and I went to a late lunch(or old person's dinner as we concluded it) at Fuddruckers. We left the Greenville Tech campus and stopped by Blockbuster's first. We wandered the aisles and he was helping me choose what movie to get for tomorrow night. We went all around the store and then decided on 'Raising Arizona'. The counter man said, however, that they DVD wasn't in that case. Therefore, Cody and I went looking again. We got 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off'.

We left and went to Fuddruckers. That was alot of fun. He paid for my food, which sort of bothered me. When I told him that I was very independent and he said, "Well I am too.". I thought that was nice though. We sat and talked and ate our food. It was great to have someone to eat with for once. I usually eat by myself. We ended up spending around an hour and a half just eating and talking. Stories from both sides respectively.

Now I'm home and just ready for tomorrow. I'm going back to Eastside tomorrow for Senior Servant Day. I'm also going to Brushy Creek to eat lunch with Cassidy again. I also have to go and get the mail up in TR tomorrow. I'm really excited to have such a busy day tomorrow.

Hunger

So lately, I'm just not hungry. I don't know if something is wrong with me or what. I was lying in bed and then my stomach started gurgling and I had to get out of bed and eat something. So I made myself some rice, and now I'm here, barely have eaten any rice because I can't eat it. I'm not hungry. So I'm deciding to blog in here. Maybe I'll be hungry in the morning. I surely hope so... otherwise, I'll have to forcefeed myself.

On another hand, life itself is heading in a different direction. In my psychology class today, we were talking about anxiety disorders. Now I panic alot. I just never thought that it could be a disorder. Eli has been saying that I have anxiety problems for a long time... I just kind of... didn't listen to him. Now I'm panicking even more. There is no way that this can be good. Not to mention that I am by myself every morning. I hate being alone. Loneliness is one thing that can lead to a slow and painful death. Just the thought of being alone scares me.

I started carving my pumpkin today. I'm carving the Joker from 'The Dark Knight'. It's going to be great! It already looks great too!

KNZ

Standing Up For What You Believe In Pays Off

Wrote this a long time ago when my friends Hunter and Justin were planning on making a book:


Never let people bother you. Never let them hurt you emotionally. Don't let them make fun of you because of your physical traits, religion, likes, or you dislikes. If you let them keep botherinng you it will only get worse.When I began highschool, there were a few people who would pick on me for things I believed in and things I had interests in. I had people making fun of me for religious beliefs and my extreme like of Clay Aiken. Yes, I do have people who still do, but it's not as bad. I had girls picking on my size. Which was unusual for me because I'm very thin. I had girls calling me anorexic and that would really get on my nerves. But I kept going onHannah was one of the many girls who would make fun of me because I was so thin. They would spread rumours about me being anorexic (all of which were untrue) and such like that. Hannah was in my gym class, which made matters much worse. Changing out in gym became the worst part of my day. I would change my shirt and giggles and whispers would start up. Hannah was also in my English class after gym. She didn't only make fun of my size but would also make fun my friend Allen's girlfriend. They called her a lesbian and I would hate it because she was like a sister to me. Hannah would also ask me for things like paper, pencils, and pens. Being the nice person that I am, I would let her borrow them. But on day she went to far. In gym, she was making fun of me because of my size, once more. She said, O look it's the little anorexic girl. I just screamed back that I wasn't anorexic and the she was just jealous because she was short and fat. The whole locker room went quiet. Then, we were doing basketball drills and she said that she didn't want to. Allen told her that she should sit out if she didn't want to do drills. She just started cussing at him and said stuff like 'Why don't you go to your lesbian girlfriend?' and 'She's so ugly she makes gorillas look beautiful'. I just yelled at her 'Why don't you just shut up shorty.' and the Coach came over and said 'What is the problem here?' Well Hannah puts on her innocent face and says 'These two were cussing and making fun of me.' pointing at Allen and me. I just looked at him and said 'She was making fun of my two best friends and calling his girlfriend a lesbian. And she was cussing not us!' He just looked at her and she said she did NOT cuss and scoffed and walked away. To top off my day, she asked me for paper English. I looked at her in amazement and said 'You are mean to me, you insult my friends, and you expect me to be nice to you?'. She just cussed at me and I said in a mocking voice 'I thought YOU didn't cuss!'. She just growled and never talked to me again.My Clay Aiken fanaticism has been made fun of forever. I can't help liking him. He's got a wonderful voice and good priorites. He's just an all around good Christian person. I have been to 5 concerts and they were all wonderful. I have 15 shirts. Every time I wear them, some sort of comment comes along. They would try to convince me he was a homosexual, but I knew and believed that he wasn't. I stood up for him and people would keep going on and on. They would call him flamer and pervert and it bothered the Hell out of me. One time I just said 'Would God like seeing you make fun of a Christian girl who idolizes a great Christian man?' and they just frowned and the kidding from then on ceased. I do still get a few but, I know that I shouldn't let other opinions change what i think is right.I had this one boy, Brad, who would pick on my because I was Catholic. Every day, he would call the 'Catholosism Freak' and 'The Catholic Girl' and such like that. I hated it. After a while I just got fed up with it and I told him not to make fun of me because of MY love for Jesus and MY belief in Him. He apologized and is now one of my best friends.So even just a tiny thing can change your view on things. The smallest kid can change you. DON'T let that happen if you really believe in that. If you think that what you believe in or who you idolize is good in God's eyes, you go right on ahead and believe.

Something I Wrote A While Back

This is the story of my Gamma Parker and me. She died on January 17, 2008 and she and I were closer than I think anyone could ever be. Enjoy this:


As I sit in my Computer Science class, done with my work, listening to 'El Tango de Roxanne', I think of a few things that have been on my mind lately. I'm just now realizing that I graduate in 3 months.What many people don't know about me is that my freshman year, my Gamma came down with pneumonia. I was spending the night at her house that night. It was so fortunate that I was there. She started to have difficulty breathing. I was put to the test that many people never have to face. I had to decide what to do to save a life. As her throat became more and more constricted, I began to panic. I called my Uncle who lived next door and he said to call an ambulance. By the time he got over to the house, the ambulance was there. They had her out on a stretcher within minutes. I didn't get out of the hospital until late. This entire tme, I could not cry. I never cried a tear.A month later, she was released. It was May by then. I was beginning my frist real final exam studies. My 14 year old self was called upon to live with my 85 year old Gamma. I went that night and prepared my room. I explained that my door, which was right across the hall, would be open all night and to call me if she needed me. She was very weak and feeble coming out of the hospital and needed help getting up and sitting down. That first night she called me several times to help her to the restroom. The first 2 weeks, I got up and 6 in the morning to make her whatever she wanted for breakfast, put it on a tray and fed her myself. If she wanted scrambled eggs, I made sure that the pieces were small enough to swallow down. After those first weeks, I helped her excercise each day. The first day she was able to walk, she walked the 20 steps to her kitchen chair. She was able to have a nice, full conversation. She looked out the open front door and said how much she wished to go outside. I helped her up and walked her outside. All of her flowers were in bloom. The aroma and colours were outstanding. As we stood there, watching the birds flying and enjoying the warm weather, she began to cry. This woman, who I had known for my entire life and had never seen her cry, began to sob in front of me. I looked at her in wonder and she confessed how, as time was passing in the hospital, she became afraid that she would never see or smell her flowers again. I smiled softly and put my arm around her as she continued to cry. This entire tme, I could not cry. I never cried a tear.When I finally left, it was June. School was over. I had fully nursed her back to health. Me, a simple teenager, had given up the end of my first year in high school to take care of my quickly aging Gamma.Well, she did alright up to my Senior year. In December, I was called upon, yet again, to take care of my, now 88 year old, Gamma. She was put on a heart monitor and I learned how to change the batteries and clean her skin before changing the electrodes(stickers with wires to track heart beat). I did this for a few weeks. I went straight back to my 9th grade routine. Waking up at 6 in the morning to make her breakfast. This time, however, she could not eat solid foods. She had earlier in the year had a problem swallowing. She was restricted to soups, gravies, and baby food. The nutritional value of her daily meals was at a dangerous low. I would help her to eat more nutritious meals by blending bananas, peanut butter, and milk. She always enjoyed that. She would call me in the night and I would help her to the restroom. This time, she would sometimes get me up in the early hours to have me cook her a meal or just to have a conversation. Some evenings, Eli would come over and chat with us. One night, we watched 'The Five People You Meet In Heaven'. My Gamma stayed in the kitchen. Before we started our movie, Eli had brought a small RC Transformer truck, and we drove it out in fron of her and she thought it was a mouse. She ended up loving it and drove it around herself until the battery ran dead. Then she continued to watch her muted, yet captioned, television show. This made me wonder how lonely she must be. Hardly being able to hear anything. How vunerable she feels to the world when I'm not there. She was in an eternal silence where lonliness was nothing but another day. On the weekends we would sit at the kitchen table and discuss my career that I had chosen. I told her that I wanted to be an animtion filmographer and special effects technician. She was so excited to hear about my projects and everything that I wanted to do with my career and talents. We talked about prom. I had gone with Eli the previous year, and beforehand, we stopped by her house to show her our outfits. She was so excited to see us. We, finally, talked about my graduation. I would tell her that I would get her right in front. The sparkle in her eyes when I told her this was priceless. This had been, since my freshman year, my only wish in life. Every birthday, Christmas, Easter, New Year's... that would be my only wish... my only prayer. Not only my Gamma, but my best friend, at my high school graduation. This woman who knew more about me than I did. She who had been through everything since 1919. Well, after this moment, her health continued to only get worse. She got to a point where we had to, yet again, hospitalize her. I went in there the Tuesday of her hospitalization to change her heart monitor batteries and electrodes. She and I talked for a bout an hour. I didn't see her again until that following Sunday. My family had seen her each day and told me about how she asked about me each of those days. When I got to her room, my sister had been playing around and had closed the curtains. I was so excited in those few seconds to pull back the curtains and see her face stretch into a smile. As I pulled back those curtains, I only saw her laying there unconcious. I came upand hugged her, but she laid still, not even sensing my presence. I sat beside her in a chair and held her hand. Her hand laid there, unknowing of mine inside. I sat there for an hour just waiting... hoping for her to perk up and notice my being. That moment never came. Before I left, I lightly shook her and held her some water to drink. She drank several sips and looked at me with glazed over eyes and said 'I love you'. She laid there in her bed and I left. Those were the last three words she ever spoke.The next day I sat through school counting the seconds as they passed so I could go home. During lunch, my friend Jonny found me and said my mom was on her way to get me. My head fell to the table and he rushed around the table to help me to the office where we sat and talked. I told him of how my Gamma was in the hospital. When my mom picked my brother and me up, she told us that our Gamma had passed away. She drove us home. This entire time, I could not cry. The next day people asked me about my absense and I simply replied that something came up. I hid my pain with happiness. It's something that many people can't do and I'm proud to say that I am not one of those people. People who did find out, found out the next week. That Friday was visitation. Her room was full of beautiful floral arrangements and plants. The turnout was full of many loving people who had come in the thirty degree weather to see us and express their sympathy. Her sister, my Aunt Ruby came in tears. She had left before Christmas Break to Washington to visit her daughter. When she got back, she was immdiatley admitted to a hospital for blood clots in her legs. She never got to see my Gamma before she died. She and my Gamma had a unique, unbreakable bond. Ruby would call every day at 7pm and come on Sunday for lunch. She was hit hardest of everyone. She is the last child of her parents. All of my family was visiting. Friends and family came as far as Ohio and Indiana. I was so proud to be her granddaughter as I heard all the stories of these people. Her open casket had a pink rose with the words "Mother" and "Grandmother" embroidered into the top. She was wearing the dress she wore for my older sister, Julie's, wedding. The only thing was that she wasn't smiling. It just wasn't the same without her smile. My dad had each of my siblings stand by her coffin and tell his video camera what we would miss the most about our Gamme. I said that I would miss running to her door, the smill of her house as she was cooking, her stories of the mill and her family living at her house. This entire time, I could not cry.That next day was the funeral. It began with a dismal mix of rain and snow. The service was at the funeral home. Eli and my best friend, Keith, were two of the palbearers. They met me at my house and drove separately because I rode with my immediate family. The previous night I had written a short personal eulogy in her honour. I talked to the minister, who was my Uncle Bob, and he told me the time that would be appropriate for my speech. Beforehand we had some people visit with us. My best girl friend, Kasandra, and her family came. My other friends, Hunter and David, came as well. They were all so loving and caring to come in my time of need even though the weather was so horrid. When my time to speak came, I stood up and walked to the podium. I laid down my index cards and began to speak. Although my speech was short, I'm glad that I gave t. I would've felt incomplete had I not. After I sat back down, Bob continued the rest of the eulogy. I sat in the 2nd row back beside my older sister, Julie. My two little sisters sat in front of us. As I looked down the rows of people, tears were falling as if rain had drenched their faces. The tissues were being passed down the pews. I sat there and smiled. This entire time, I could not cry. After the eulogy ended, the palbearers carried my Gamma's casket to the hearse. The rain and snow mix was still falling down. The hearse led the cars to the cemetary. We walked towards the grave under umbrellas behind the palbearers. Bob finished his ministry at the grave. Each of my siblings, parents, cousins, and other family picked out a flower from the selection on top of her coffin as we walked by paying our last respects. When we got back in the car to return to my house, my now calm family complimented my speech and my courage to tell so many people what a pleasure my Gamma was. The ride back to my house was dismal. The rain was a bit thicker, but the snow was still there. The temperature continued to drop intensely. We got inside and carried the plants from the visitation room inside. We brought chairs into the living room but my Aunt Ruby sat in the recliner. I sat between Keith and Eli. They watched me watching those people talking as the day just continued on. I was amazed at how fast this event just slipped out of their minds. In a way, I was offended. To me, the mose wonderful woman I had ever had the priveledge to know, not to mention be related to, was gone. She was gone from my life and she was now gone from their minds. Dinner was made and then Hunter called asking to come over. Hunter and David then made their ways over here and we watched TV and ate dinner downstairs. I thanked all my friends that were able to come extensively. That meant so much that they made their way in such awful weather to go to a funeral for a woman only a few had ever met. They were there for me in my time of pain. Those are the best kind of friends right there. Only a few people knew, so I'm not saying that my other friends aren't good friends.So if people have been asking me 'Are you OK?' lately, if I answered with 'Yes, I'm fine', I lied to you. Eli told me, you don't always have to be the happiest person in the world, and it's OK to share your feelings with other people. So lately, I've been depressed. I've felt like my life has no other purpose. Living with my Gamma, I had a purpose. I was depended on. I was needed. Without that sense of purpose, I feel this way. This story explains why I was so unhappy with her death until my friend, Kaleb, told me something after I found out that his Gampa died. I asked him how he felt about it and he just simply replied 'He's happier now than he was here'. I had completely forgotten about her place in Heaven. How much happier she is now that she resides in paradise. She's happer than she was here.

Steven Curtis Chapman and Michael W. Smith

This past weekend, my best girl friend, Kasandra, and I went to a concert featuring Steven Curtis Chapman and Michael W. Smith. My mom had gotten 4 tickets and so we two besties went with my mom and her friend Alicia. We got to out seats as the music began to play and everything was amazing! All of the fans in the auditorium were praising God together. From the raising of hands to the singing along, everything was all about God and what he's done for us.

In May, Chapman's daughter Maria was run over in the driveway by her older brother. It was awful that such a tragedy would happen to a very Christian family. They got through it though and everything has resolved itself. They still miss their beloved daughter, but they have come to terms and they know that she's in a better place. Chapman was able to sing his song 'Cinderella' which seemed to be about little Maria, but was actually about Emily. It was hard for him, but he had the strength to get through it.

The lightshow was amazing and all the colours matched along with the songs. All of the songs were songs that I knew. Kasandra knew all of Michael W. Smith's songs. He started out with our song about friendship. It was a great way to start off the Smith portion of the concert.

Everything was great and Kasandra, Alicia, my mom, and I loved it. If you get a chance to go and see the Union tour, it's definetley worth it!

Wisdom Teeth

This past Thursday, Eli, my boyfriend, got his 4 wisdom teeth out. I took him in early that morning and they had the whole thing done by noon. He was in such a pitiful state afterwards and I was so sorry for him. He was just like a big baby.
When his mother and I were waiting with him, passed out of course, afterwards, the nurse came in and put the infamous ice-pack that goes from under the chin to the top of the head. He looked adorable, but in pain.
After I went to my classes, I went straight to his house to help take care of him. I walked in and he was, predictably, asleep. I kissed him forehead and he stayed asleep. I shook him slightly and he stayed asleep. So I began to talk to him. He didn't respond until I spoke a bit louder. He opened his eyes. He couldn't smile, but I could see the happiness in his eyes when they saw that I was sitting on the edge of his bed. I gave him a small hug and laid beside him stroking his hair. This went on for a while. Every 30 minutes, I would take the icepack to the freezer and then 30 minutes later I would put it back on his face.
We didn't watch any television. We didn't talk. We didn't play any games. We didn't even really motion at each other. Every now and then I would tell him that I loved him and he would make a humming noise that sounded like I love you too. It's funny because we're able to understand each others muffled voices. We can tell what the other is saying with usual ease.
The next day, he was way much better. I opened his door and he was watching TV and he threw open his arms for me to hug him. I lightly kissed him and he didn't pucker or anything because he knew that it would hurt. We watched TV for a while and I brought him the ice-pack a few times. I didn't stay too long, but I came back that night so that he and I could watch 'Harry Potter and the Socerer's Stone'.
Sunday, he called and said that he wanted to go outside. He hadn't been outside in three days and he was ready for his breath of fresh air. When I finally got there, he wanted to go to 'Fall for Greenville', our city's fall celebration. We drove downtown, parked, and began to walk up the street. A few minutes up the street, he pulled me into an alleyway that led to a café area. We sat at one of the tables and he threw up. After a minute or so of the vomitting, he stopped. There had been a man behind us yelling, "Get it all out man!", apparently thinking that he was drunk. We sat there for a few minutes before deciding to get back up and walk up the street to get something for him to eat.
It was fairly difficult trying to find something that he could eat. He finally came upon an Italian restaurant that was pretty cheap. We ate what we ordered and then left on our merry way back up the street. We eventually got to 'Opie Taylors'. That store is specifically made to sell toys. We, being ourselves, headed straight for the stuffed animals. We found a cute little sheep that squeaked. He bought it for me.
Leaning on his shoulder we walked to the next store, 'Mast General'. I love that store. They sell figurines that I collect called 'Willow Trees'. We examined their stock and then saw some 'Wall-E' merchandise. He and I love Wall-E things and have already gotten some of the merchandise for our future children. He got 2 of the little books for children to begin reading.
When we left 'Mast General', we walked across the street to 'The Marble Slab' for some of our favourite cheesecake flavoured ice cream. Then we went back down the street to the Liberty Bridge, where we sat beneath and gazed at the moon and played with our new little squeaky sheep.
We got back to his house and watched our movie, 'P.S. I Love You'(in my reviews kenzismoviereviews.blogspot.com). When, that was over, I drove home.
Our few days together were perfect. He goes in for his check-up tomorrow and he's excited to see if his stiches are done and he can begin to eat 'real' foods again!
KNZ

Michael Bublé and downtown

It all began on Friday. Pretty much all day Friday, I was at Keith's house. We watched 'Dead Poet's Society'(which you can see my review at kenzismoviereviews.blogspot.com) and then played Guitar Hero. Afterwards, we made grilled cheese sandwiches and ate that for dinner. When I left there, I took my little sisters, Standish and Cassidy, to Fuddruckers for more dinner. Cassidy and I ended up going to Eli's Mom's house to watch 'In Good Company'(also in reviews). That was alot of fun.

But the real fun began on Saturday! I did a few chores around the house. Then I was able to go to Keith's house and he made us dinner. He made a great macaroni dish and we had some bread with it. It was stunning. Then we had some cheesecake dessert and he had made a raspberry drizzle for it. He also made Creme Brulée. Everything was delicious. After we ate, we left for the Bi-Lo Center. We got there a good half hour early. The openning act was 'Naturally 7' and they were great. They are a group that imitates instruments instead of playing them. Everything is a capella. Michael came out singing me and Keith's favourite song, 'I'm Your Man'. He sang it wonderfully and the band was outstanding. The songs were all sung beautifully and his conversation to the crowd was unforgettable. He has a crude sense of humour and that kept the audience in love. After the concert was over, we went back home and talked about the concert and danced to a select few of our favourites.

On Sunday, Eli and I went downtown for a picture taking frenzy. We walked across the bridge and took pictures by the falls. We walked up Main and got some ice-cream at the Marble Slab. It was great to take all of those pictures with him. Everything was absolutely great. When we went down by the Peace Center Amphitheatre, I got some amazing pictures of him(which are attached).