Something I Wrote A While Back

This is the story of my Gamma Parker and me. She died on January 17, 2008 and she and I were closer than I think anyone could ever be. Enjoy this:


As I sit in my Computer Science class, done with my work, listening to 'El Tango de Roxanne', I think of a few things that have been on my mind lately. I'm just now realizing that I graduate in 3 months.What many people don't know about me is that my freshman year, my Gamma came down with pneumonia. I was spending the night at her house that night. It was so fortunate that I was there. She started to have difficulty breathing. I was put to the test that many people never have to face. I had to decide what to do to save a life. As her throat became more and more constricted, I began to panic. I called my Uncle who lived next door and he said to call an ambulance. By the time he got over to the house, the ambulance was there. They had her out on a stretcher within minutes. I didn't get out of the hospital until late. This entire tme, I could not cry. I never cried a tear.A month later, she was released. It was May by then. I was beginning my frist real final exam studies. My 14 year old self was called upon to live with my 85 year old Gamma. I went that night and prepared my room. I explained that my door, which was right across the hall, would be open all night and to call me if she needed me. She was very weak and feeble coming out of the hospital and needed help getting up and sitting down. That first night she called me several times to help her to the restroom. The first 2 weeks, I got up and 6 in the morning to make her whatever she wanted for breakfast, put it on a tray and fed her myself. If she wanted scrambled eggs, I made sure that the pieces were small enough to swallow down. After those first weeks, I helped her excercise each day. The first day she was able to walk, she walked the 20 steps to her kitchen chair. She was able to have a nice, full conversation. She looked out the open front door and said how much she wished to go outside. I helped her up and walked her outside. All of her flowers were in bloom. The aroma and colours were outstanding. As we stood there, watching the birds flying and enjoying the warm weather, she began to cry. This woman, who I had known for my entire life and had never seen her cry, began to sob in front of me. I looked at her in wonder and she confessed how, as time was passing in the hospital, she became afraid that she would never see or smell her flowers again. I smiled softly and put my arm around her as she continued to cry. This entire tme, I could not cry. I never cried a tear.When I finally left, it was June. School was over. I had fully nursed her back to health. Me, a simple teenager, had given up the end of my first year in high school to take care of my quickly aging Gamma.Well, she did alright up to my Senior year. In December, I was called upon, yet again, to take care of my, now 88 year old, Gamma. She was put on a heart monitor and I learned how to change the batteries and clean her skin before changing the electrodes(stickers with wires to track heart beat). I did this for a few weeks. I went straight back to my 9th grade routine. Waking up at 6 in the morning to make her breakfast. This time, however, she could not eat solid foods. She had earlier in the year had a problem swallowing. She was restricted to soups, gravies, and baby food. The nutritional value of her daily meals was at a dangerous low. I would help her to eat more nutritious meals by blending bananas, peanut butter, and milk. She always enjoyed that. She would call me in the night and I would help her to the restroom. This time, she would sometimes get me up in the early hours to have me cook her a meal or just to have a conversation. Some evenings, Eli would come over and chat with us. One night, we watched 'The Five People You Meet In Heaven'. My Gamma stayed in the kitchen. Before we started our movie, Eli had brought a small RC Transformer truck, and we drove it out in fron of her and she thought it was a mouse. She ended up loving it and drove it around herself until the battery ran dead. Then she continued to watch her muted, yet captioned, television show. This made me wonder how lonely she must be. Hardly being able to hear anything. How vunerable she feels to the world when I'm not there. She was in an eternal silence where lonliness was nothing but another day. On the weekends we would sit at the kitchen table and discuss my career that I had chosen. I told her that I wanted to be an animtion filmographer and special effects technician. She was so excited to hear about my projects and everything that I wanted to do with my career and talents. We talked about prom. I had gone with Eli the previous year, and beforehand, we stopped by her house to show her our outfits. She was so excited to see us. We, finally, talked about my graduation. I would tell her that I would get her right in front. The sparkle in her eyes when I told her this was priceless. This had been, since my freshman year, my only wish in life. Every birthday, Christmas, Easter, New Year's... that would be my only wish... my only prayer. Not only my Gamma, but my best friend, at my high school graduation. This woman who knew more about me than I did. She who had been through everything since 1919. Well, after this moment, her health continued to only get worse. She got to a point where we had to, yet again, hospitalize her. I went in there the Tuesday of her hospitalization to change her heart monitor batteries and electrodes. She and I talked for a bout an hour. I didn't see her again until that following Sunday. My family had seen her each day and told me about how she asked about me each of those days. When I got to her room, my sister had been playing around and had closed the curtains. I was so excited in those few seconds to pull back the curtains and see her face stretch into a smile. As I pulled back those curtains, I only saw her laying there unconcious. I came upand hugged her, but she laid still, not even sensing my presence. I sat beside her in a chair and held her hand. Her hand laid there, unknowing of mine inside. I sat there for an hour just waiting... hoping for her to perk up and notice my being. That moment never came. Before I left, I lightly shook her and held her some water to drink. She drank several sips and looked at me with glazed over eyes and said 'I love you'. She laid there in her bed and I left. Those were the last three words she ever spoke.The next day I sat through school counting the seconds as they passed so I could go home. During lunch, my friend Jonny found me and said my mom was on her way to get me. My head fell to the table and he rushed around the table to help me to the office where we sat and talked. I told him of how my Gamma was in the hospital. When my mom picked my brother and me up, she told us that our Gamma had passed away. She drove us home. This entire time, I could not cry. The next day people asked me about my absense and I simply replied that something came up. I hid my pain with happiness. It's something that many people can't do and I'm proud to say that I am not one of those people. People who did find out, found out the next week. That Friday was visitation. Her room was full of beautiful floral arrangements and plants. The turnout was full of many loving people who had come in the thirty degree weather to see us and express their sympathy. Her sister, my Aunt Ruby came in tears. She had left before Christmas Break to Washington to visit her daughter. When she got back, she was immdiatley admitted to a hospital for blood clots in her legs. She never got to see my Gamma before she died. She and my Gamma had a unique, unbreakable bond. Ruby would call every day at 7pm and come on Sunday for lunch. She was hit hardest of everyone. She is the last child of her parents. All of my family was visiting. Friends and family came as far as Ohio and Indiana. I was so proud to be her granddaughter as I heard all the stories of these people. Her open casket had a pink rose with the words "Mother" and "Grandmother" embroidered into the top. She was wearing the dress she wore for my older sister, Julie's, wedding. The only thing was that she wasn't smiling. It just wasn't the same without her smile. My dad had each of my siblings stand by her coffin and tell his video camera what we would miss the most about our Gamme. I said that I would miss running to her door, the smill of her house as she was cooking, her stories of the mill and her family living at her house. This entire time, I could not cry.That next day was the funeral. It began with a dismal mix of rain and snow. The service was at the funeral home. Eli and my best friend, Keith, were two of the palbearers. They met me at my house and drove separately because I rode with my immediate family. The previous night I had written a short personal eulogy in her honour. I talked to the minister, who was my Uncle Bob, and he told me the time that would be appropriate for my speech. Beforehand we had some people visit with us. My best girl friend, Kasandra, and her family came. My other friends, Hunter and David, came as well. They were all so loving and caring to come in my time of need even though the weather was so horrid. When my time to speak came, I stood up and walked to the podium. I laid down my index cards and began to speak. Although my speech was short, I'm glad that I gave t. I would've felt incomplete had I not. After I sat back down, Bob continued the rest of the eulogy. I sat in the 2nd row back beside my older sister, Julie. My two little sisters sat in front of us. As I looked down the rows of people, tears were falling as if rain had drenched their faces. The tissues were being passed down the pews. I sat there and smiled. This entire time, I could not cry. After the eulogy ended, the palbearers carried my Gamma's casket to the hearse. The rain and snow mix was still falling down. The hearse led the cars to the cemetary. We walked towards the grave under umbrellas behind the palbearers. Bob finished his ministry at the grave. Each of my siblings, parents, cousins, and other family picked out a flower from the selection on top of her coffin as we walked by paying our last respects. When we got back in the car to return to my house, my now calm family complimented my speech and my courage to tell so many people what a pleasure my Gamma was. The ride back to my house was dismal. The rain was a bit thicker, but the snow was still there. The temperature continued to drop intensely. We got inside and carried the plants from the visitation room inside. We brought chairs into the living room but my Aunt Ruby sat in the recliner. I sat between Keith and Eli. They watched me watching those people talking as the day just continued on. I was amazed at how fast this event just slipped out of their minds. In a way, I was offended. To me, the mose wonderful woman I had ever had the priveledge to know, not to mention be related to, was gone. She was gone from my life and she was now gone from their minds. Dinner was made and then Hunter called asking to come over. Hunter and David then made their ways over here and we watched TV and ate dinner downstairs. I thanked all my friends that were able to come extensively. That meant so much that they made their way in such awful weather to go to a funeral for a woman only a few had ever met. They were there for me in my time of pain. Those are the best kind of friends right there. Only a few people knew, so I'm not saying that my other friends aren't good friends.So if people have been asking me 'Are you OK?' lately, if I answered with 'Yes, I'm fine', I lied to you. Eli told me, you don't always have to be the happiest person in the world, and it's OK to share your feelings with other people. So lately, I've been depressed. I've felt like my life has no other purpose. Living with my Gamma, I had a purpose. I was depended on. I was needed. Without that sense of purpose, I feel this way. This story explains why I was so unhappy with her death until my friend, Kaleb, told me something after I found out that his Gampa died. I asked him how he felt about it and he just simply replied 'He's happier now than he was here'. I had completely forgotten about her place in Heaven. How much happier she is now that she resides in paradise. She's happer than she was here.