The Last Night

A song that I was listening to today was 'The Last Night' by Skillet. It talks of best friends/a couple, whatever they may be, and how the girl is planning to commit suicide. The boy, however, tells her that she can't and that he'll always be there for her no matter what the case might happen to be. Anyways... here are the lyrics

You come to me with scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine
But I know it's a lie
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm everything you need me to be
Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don't know you like I know you
They don't know you at all
I'm so sick of when they say
It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine
But I know it's a lie
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm everything you need me to be
The last night away from me
The night is so long when everything's wrong
If you give me your hand
I will help you hold on
Tonight, tonight
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm everything you need me to be
I won't let you say goodbye
And I'll be your reason why
The last night away from me
Away from me

So, this was a great song I think. I love listening to it.

This morning I became depressed in a sense. The subject of Eli cheating on me back in June '06 came up again today. I was talking to my friend Christene about it today and she said that she doesn't get depressed about past things in her relationship anymore... she gets angry. I don't want to become angry. It's just a difficult event for me to grab hold of. I actually think about it alot. More than most people know. I don't only think about how it might've happened, though I do think about that, but I also think about why it happened to me. The one time he would ever do such a thing to his girlfriend and it had to be to me.
Sometimes I wonder if God is just trying to signal me. Maybe he's telling me that Eli isn't the one for me. If he's not... why are my feelings so strong towards him? I want to be with him. He makes me the happiest person in the world. Isn't that what love is supposed to feel like? If not... why do I feel like it is?
I just have some huge inner conflict going on. I don't really want to talk about it because it only concerns myself. I just want to know the answer to so many questions, but I don't know what the questions are.
Why me?